1. This is a problem with X. I have a hack for gnome but It looks like you wnat ot use or do use kde
2. Not sure what you mean by this. What desktop do you load when you log in, KDE or Gnome? X is not a desktop enviornment.
3. if you are using lilo become root...
1. cp -p lilo.conf lilo.conf.orig
2. open lilo.conf in you favorite text editor (vi)

3. change the boot order by switching the default=label
looks something like this.... there will be more junk but this is the important stuff.
default=windowsXP
image="/boot/vmlinuz-2.6.8.egorgry"
label="Linux-2.6.8"
root="/dev/hdb6"
read-only
other=/dev/hda1
label=windowsXP
4. run lilo -t to test the config if all is well then run lilo and reboot to see the new boot order in all it's glory. If it bitches try to fix what it complained about or post teh error here. Alternativly you can cp -p lilo.conf.orig lilo.conf to be revert to you old settings if that's why we copied the config file in the 1st step.